New Beginnings

Today this scripture spoke to me: John 3:18  "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." - NIV


As a believer, follower, pastor, I struggle with my desire to help God "save" the world.  Pretty self important, huh?   It's never me or any other believer, follower or pastor that does the saving!  And I'm the one who needs saving!  How did I become to believe of my importance?


What do I need saved from?  So many things...ego, greed, my need to control, my desire to be right, my fragile nature, relationships gone awry.  So, where do I start... or more importantly, where does God start?


Over the past two days I have struggled with the realization that my ways, my patterns of behavior and actions do not reflect my love of Jesus and His action within my heart and life during some of the times I minister.  How can I be a pastor when I am seen as hard, too direct, strong, and over-focused?  How do I move from the belief only I can do the work?  How do I move forward when God gives me a vision?  How do I truly become obedient to His will in my life and be open to the changes that need to be made within me to help me live more fruitfully for Him?


How can I minister with children when some question whether I like kids?  WOW!  The past few days have been several of great introspect, struggle, pain and fear. 


So, taking a step back, I had/have to evaluate how I go awry.  How at times (of stress) the joy in my heart doesn't seem to reach my face and voice?  I have always felt that my nature is unchangeable, but yet, God has done so many changes in my life, why can't He change these communication flaws in my personality?  I have to believe He can.  And I have to want to give Him the control to do it. 


I have heard in the past that changing my communication style is tough and one of the most difficult things to try to do.  So, maybe it's not me that should do it, but the Holy Spirit living in and through me.  


So, new beginnings.  New days of focus to become more Christlike, softer, gentler, meeker, milder.  To give Him my face, my words, my reactions, my thoughts, my attitude, my all.  

 Phil 4: 8-9  " ⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

I pray that my focus can remain on the virtues of Philippians 4, that I may be molded into His image and away from mine.   That my heart and manners can truly be softened.  Please, Lord, help me to change, get me out of the way!